Saturday, June 21st, 2008
I know that most of these will have readers thinking a little about their behavior. These are based on my experiences growing up in the Heart of Dixie.
Lindsay Mulder
- Fat kids are only cute if they belong to someone else.
- Just because people don’t say that your children aren’t hideous doesn’t mean that they aren’t. Stop finding modeling agencies for your ugly kids.
- A politician’s wife supports him. She knows she’ll live in infamy for being married to an alpha male.
- You are only special to your family and friends.
- A hundred years after your death, nobody will care that you existed.
- Regardless of what they say, people don’t like hearing stories about your dog.
- If you are a woman and you join a predominantly male company, don’t whine when they won’t include you in their conversations.
- Women that file lawsuits because a man looked at them too long need to be fired for being too sensitive. Our husbands may work there. You make them uncomfortable.
- If you go out in a short skirt, halter- top and high heels, you WILL be looked at. Stop whining.
- If you don’t want to run the risk of being groped, think twice before heading out to a bar in the middle of the night and getting plastered (more…)
Posted in Awkward Experiences, Funny Experiences, Life Experiences, Relationship Experiences | 4 Comments »
Wednesday, April 9th, 2008
I think it was one of the most awkward moments of my life. He called, asked if we could hang out tonight, and i agreed, thinking it was going to be another nonchalant evening with one of my good friends. I was completely oblivious to his true plans until the moment his mom dropped us off alone at Applebee’s, and then she winked at you, and told us to “have fun.”
It was a complete set-up.
i have to admit my initial reaction was, ” Ohhhh No! ” Curse myself for not having common sense! I was on a date. Rummaging through my mind in panic, I was trying to think of every possible way i could have mislead him to believe i had any special feelings for him, or did something towards him inadvertently turning him on, or maybe I’d had misunderstood his intentions of the night in the first place.
So he got us a table and i could tell through his blundering ways of speaking he was nervous about the entire ordeal. To make matters worse, he made me guess who he liked, and he described every aspect of me down to the minute fact of how I laugh and then either clap my hands or smack something, making it easily distinguishable whom he were talking about.
Already i began foraging though my mind frantically searching for possible excuses that he might redeem satisfactory to my polite decline. I remember how in middle school, i prayed so forcefully for these “asking out” occasions to arise. Funny how one boy can screw that up for the rest of them. And then you dropped the bomb on me like you thought I had no idea and that excitement and jubilance would swell up from my soul. It didn’t quite work out like that, but I’m still in utter disbelief you would think i’d like you as more than friends. I told how i was sorry about the instant ‘No’ response. But geeze, it is not the way to a girl’s heart to manipulate her on a date!
I hope the night for him wasn’t a total calamity. Despite all that awkward moments, i did fancy hanging out with him, as friends.
Posted in Awkward Experiences, Female Experiences, Relationship Experiences | No Comments »
