The homeless alcoholics that live under the Bridge (life lesson)
“Mommy, I want some chocolate milk.” Stormy then bellowed from the family room.
“Sure thing.” I said as I got up from the computer chair and walked into the kitchen. Opening the door to the fridge, noticing that chocolate milk was something of a memory. “Shoot.” I mumbled as I went in to explain to the little monsters that there was to be no more chocolate milk. Four smiling faces were waiting there. Staring up from their movie. Looking at me with hope in their eyes.
“We are all out of chocolate milk” I calmly said.
“No…. I want chocolate milk!” they all screamed. Their faces turning from angelic to demonic within seconds.
“Okay.. I will go to the store.”
“I want chocolate milk now.” the five year old bellowed.
“We are gonna die of being thirsty.” The angry mob chanted.
“Mommy is getting dressed right now. I just have to put on some clothes and makeup.”
Now, trying to reason with a five, four, three and two year old is just not gonna work. They do not know reason. They are so self-centered it is funny. I moved as quickly as I could. Trying my best to get dressed without making them even more angry. The twelve year old trying to put the two year olds little shoes on. “Mom.. Isaiah kicked me.”
“He is two.. It could not have hurt you.” I said.. Hoping he would be shamed into silence.
“He kicked me in the balls.” (Alright, I am sure it did hurt was all I could think.)
“Just put his shoes on… I will buy you Chinese food if you put his shoes on.”
“Can we go to the buffet?”
“I guess so. If you put all their shoes and coats on while I get dressed.”
It was a fair trade off. I got myself dressed. I am sure I have looked better in my life. But I was presentable, I suppose. We loaded the little demons in the van and headed to church to pick up the other two. Pulling in front of the church. I sent the twelve year old in to get his sister and brother. I warned him that if he left me in the van with the demons too long. He would have to die. He did a good job. In about two minutes they all came running out the door.
Driving to the Chinese restaurant. Getting a table for eight. (Usually two tables put together.) Not many restaurants have enough space for my family. I fed the little monsters and gulped down a few bites myself. The two year old had rubbed ice cream in his hair. I suppose this was his attempt to clean his hands off. Wiping the ice cream from the really cute and messy kid. Thinking to myself… “Please dear god… let me get through this without killing anyone.” We all got back into the van. Driving down the street the fifteen and fourteen year olds poking each other with chop sticks.
“The next person who pokes someone with a chop stick.. I am gonna poke it into their eye.. Then pull their eyeball out and throw it out the window!” I yelled. I suppose the threat worked because no one was poked with a chopstick anymore.
We all went through the local grocery store. Kids screaming. Pulling stuff off of the shelves. Me threatening their lives a few times. It was not as bad as it could have been. I was grateful for that. The trip was short. I got some chocolate milk and a few other necessities and we all went back to the van trip from hell.
Driving down the road.. A strange noise occurred. WAAH WAAH WAAH…. “Shhhh.. Be quiet.. I hear something.” WAAAH WAAAHH WAHHH… Now it was getting worse. The car started to pull to the left.. I knew I had heard this noise before. Putting on my blinker.. Pulling to the side of the road… “GREAT!” I said out loud. “A flat tire.”
Here I am in one of the bad parts of town with a van full of idiots and a flat tire. To beat it all, I knew for a fact that the jack was on my porch. I had been the idiot who put it there so I could put the fishing poles in the trunk. I did have a spare. It was the old tire that made a awful noise. I of course had no way to put the dang thing on. “If one kid says one word right now… I am gonna put you under that bridge for the homeless alcoholics to get.” They stayed quiet. It was a good threat. They had always been freaked out by the homeless people.
Thank god for cell phones. I started by calling my husbands father. “Jerry, could you please go to my house and get the jack off of the porch and bring it to me?” He could not do it, stating that his knees were too bad to lift the jack. I even offered for him to take my very strong fifteen year old with him to do the lifting. But he was just not willing to help. He would however call the wrecker service to come and change the tire. I however am not paying someone fifty bucks to change a tire. That is outrageous and I am watching my money. I was surely capable of changing a flat tire. I am not learning disabled or something. I then called my mother. She could come and get me, but could not bring a jack so I could change the tire. I swear, my mother thinks I am an idiot. “What if you do it wrong and the tire falls off.”
“Mother… I was married to a mechanic for seven years. I can change a tire.”
“What if you do it wrong?”
“I took drivers ed mom. They told us how to change a tire.. We even practiced this.”
Yea, it is obvious.. My mother thinks I am retarded. I now know this for a fact.
“I am not going to argue mom.. I will call someone else.”
I hung up the phone and thought about who to call. My eldest son said, “Call Michael, he is nice and will help us.” Okay now, Michael is one of my oldest friends. I have known him for about sixteen years. He is a nice guy. And although he is my ex-husband’s best friend he is still very smart and kind. I decided this was my last hope. Otherwise, I would be walking about three miles dragging grocery’s and seven kids behind me. I was not willing to do that. So, I dialed Michael’s number.
“Michael? This is Lisa.. I need some help.”
“Sure, what is wrong.”
“I have a flat tire.. I need you to come to Lee Street. Pick up Caleb. Take him to my house and get my jack. If you are busy then I will understand.”
“I will be right there.”
Thank you god for such a wonderful friend. One who does not think I am a total idiot. One who would help me at ten in the evening on a cold Sunday. I sighed a sigh of relief and waited. Michael showed up. He took some of the kids home. Came back and jacked up the car and changed my tire. Then he followed me for a few blocks to make sure the tire was alright. If not for Michael I would still be there. In the cold. I would have probably given my children to the homeless alcoholics by now. It would not have been good. Truth be known, I would have been drinking with the homeless alcoholics by now.
I suppose that God gave us an angel. Someone who cared enough to help us in our times of need. I am thankful for that. I am also sure of one thing. I can change a tire if I need to. It just involves a little help from people who care enough to help me. I hope you guys enjoy my story. It is sadly a true story. If you smile about it.. Then I am going to give you to the homeless alcoholics that live under the bridge.. Just kidding.. Smile… remember.. At least it is not you.. Have a good night and god bless.
