Daughter Goes To College
From my experience when it comes time to take your oldest child to college you can’t begin to imagine what emotions you will feel. You literally run the gamut starting with the night before when eating your “last supper” as a family and ending with he drive back from college the next day one person short. In between you try to savor each experience and burn it into your memory.
I just took my daughter to college for her freshman year and even though it was three days ago I’m still a little shellshocked. The last evening, before driving her to college, was surreal. I knew we would see her again and she was only a call or an email away, but still this was a life-changing event for her and my wife and I.
Kissing her good night for the last time as a child in our home, waking her up to get ready the next morning, seeing her in the rear-view mirror as we drove up, carrying her belongings to her dorm room and finally hugging her good-bye and watching her walk away were all moments like in a dream. You see them happening but you can’t stop them, you can only watch as if you were outside your body.
I am very happy and excited for my daughter and I know she will do well; we have prepared her for life and now it is time for her to start experiencing things without the close protection of Mom and Dad. I worry for her, I hope for her and most of all I miss her. But that is now and I know the ache in my heart will lessen and life will go on, but until that happens I do think of all the lost moments and look back with small regrets as most parents do. I should have spent more time with her, I should have read to her more, talked with her longer, been a more attentive parent, etc. Of course this kind of thinking is of no value and I push these negative thoughts away. Instead I look forward to the woman she will become and I am excited to think of the wonderful possibilities her life holds. I look forward to the story she will tell and the experiences she will have as she begins her life outside the home she has known for 18 years.
I know she will return for holidays, summers and special occasions, but one day even those won’t be guaranteed visits as she starts a career and possibly a family. I will cherish the visits even more knowing she will be gone again before I know it.
I realize I should be passing on experience with this post and so far I can only offer this: Do the best job as parent that you can so when it comes time for your son or daughter to leave, you can feel confident you have given them the heart and mind to be the person you know they can become. Then you pray for them and worry all the same.
I know one day I will look back fondly, without sadness, to the wonderful years I was a full-time Dad. My wife and I will live the life of a couple without children soon (my son is 2 years from beginning college) and I do look forward to rediscovering the couple we used be and will be again. But for the next few days I think I’ll be little more quiet and let the memories flood over me cherishing every hug, every story good night, every precious hand-hold and conversation we had. Time will soon ease the melancholy I feel so I might as well enjoy it while I can.
Update: Someone sent me a link for this book, I’ll Miss You Too: An Off-to-College Guide for Parents and Students
Update 2: Well, it has been two months and our daughter came home for the first time. The good news is my wife and I enjoyed seeing her very much and as time went by the pain of missing her was replaced by an excitement to see how she was doing at college. There is indeed life after your child goes to college and guess what, it starts the day after you drop her off.
2 Responses to “Daughter Goes To College”
By Monica on Oct 21, 2007 | Reply
Thanks, Shell.
This was heart-warming and helpful to read. Our daughter left this year for college too and I found it hard to let go as well. Reading what you wrote was like reading my own diary. But you are right, it will get easier with time and life goes on for everyone. Thanks for sharing.