Couldn’t have said it better. But from my experience, Kenan Thompson is not funny, but…
The cast of “Saturday Night Live” is always a divisive subject. There’s no hard and fast conventional wisdom for who’s good and who’s as funny as watching your parents die of cancer. My favorites in the present cast are Kristen Wiig and Bill Hader, but some people who ordinarily see eye-to-eye with me think they’re awful, so I’m not trying to convince anyone of anything here.
My point is, I detest Kenan Thompson, but I give credit where it’s due: I love this ‘What Up With Dat?” sketch. It’s ridiculously silly and it goes against the grain of SNL’s standard talk show skit. Well played, everyone.
I can’t remember exactly which summer it was, ‘59 or ‘60, but the rest is crystal clear. I learned a most valuable worldly lesson that day. It was an education and a humiliation. A lesson in respect and that old adage: never judge a book by its cover.
It is often said that in the repressed and carefree 1950s that kids didn’t know about sex. That’s not exactly true. We didn’t know what lovemaking was or how a baby was born, but we certainly had a primitive knowledge of sex appeal.
Little girls knew they liked boys who were “cute,” and try as we may to think of girls as “icky,” we boys knew we wanted to be near the pretty ones.
If a girl was pretty and also able to run and catch and kick like a boy too, then she was even more desirable to be around.
10. In reality you don’t succeed in life just because you are good looking and easy to get along with. Oh, wait, maybe that should be changed to “you don’t always succeed…”
9. In reality, women have a lot more unwanted body hair after being stranded in a jungle for 42 days.
8. You can go ahead and pretend you don’t fart in public, poop your pants, or talk to people with a booger hanging out of your nose – but in reality, this has probably happened to you.
7. In reality (unlike books, movies and television) people do lots of ordinary, meaningless things that don’t move the story along.
6. The only time it’s cool to wear a small square of fabric in 15 different ways in reality is if you have a job modelling ‘The Wonder Scarf’ on the shopping channel. (more…)
Here’s a baby tip for ya. Don’t forget to put the bottle liner into the bottle before you pour the water in. Yes, I did that. Not once, but twice. And it splashed off the counter and onto the floor. You know what was funny about the second time I did it (which was today)? I heard a trickling sound, then noticed water going everywhere, YET I KEPT ON POURING. Genius.
Maybe I’m the only idiot who has done this, but I think it warrants a warning to all Drop-Ins mommies. Don’t get the bottle out, walk off to do something else, and then forget about the liner. Amen.
I know that most of these will have readers thinking a little about their behavior. These are based on my experiences growing up in the Heart of Dixie. Lindsay Mulder
Fat kids are only cute if they belong to someone else.
Just because people don’t say that your children aren’t hideous doesn’t mean that they aren’t. Stop finding modeling agencies for your ugly kids.
A politician’s wife supports him. She knows she’ll live in infamy for being married to an alpha male.
You are only special to your family and friends.
A hundred years after your death, nobody will care that you existed.
Regardless of what they say, people don’t like hearing stories about your dog.
If you are a woman and you join a predominantly male company, don’t whine when they won’t include you in their conversations.
Women that file lawsuits because a man looked at them too long need to be fired for being too sensitive. Our husbands may work there. You make them uncomfortable.
If you go out in a short skirt, halter- top and high heels, you WILL be looked at. Stop whining.
If you don’t want to run the risk of being groped, think twice before heading out to a bar in the middle of the night and getting plastered (more…)
“I know what we can do over our two-week break,” I announced to my sisters one night, after we were debating how to spend our work-free, homework-free, 2-week break.
“Let’s watch 30 horror films!” I’m not even sure how I thought of the idea – or why I decided to pursue it – as my sisters and I don’t even particularly like horror films. But it sounded like a good idea at the time.
“Um, why would we do that?” My sister Danielle asked me.
“Why not?” I retorted.
My brilliant logic won them over, and our quest began.
We started asking for film suggestions from all of our friends (which we would later classify into two groups: Our respectable-taste-in-movies friends versus our smile-and-nod friends). At first it was fun. We would excitedly rush off to Blockbuster and grab some movies, confer with each other, and tell every confused soul we possibly could about our plans.
But after a few days, it became more like work:
“Listen,” I remember my sister Lauren telling me in a very serious tone, “You can’t go to Tom’s tonight. We have to watch three films tonight to meet our quota. We’ll never catch up in time if you go.”
I must admit I have used the “mommy brain” excuse more than once in the past five years. There are times that it truly feels as though my IQ has been halved with the birth of each of my three children. So why does new research suggest that motherhood actually makes you smarter? How could that be? Do I just have a warped view of my former life or is it something altogether different?
My theory is that I have temporarily shut off the part of my brain that allows me to say intelligent things. The capacity to think is still there. I just have to use my brain for other purposes at this point. One day, I will flip the switch and blossom into a GENIUS!
This temporary shut down became abundantly clear today when I made a complete ass of myself on the telephone. We are looking into refinancing our home and the gentleman helping us out was attempting to give me his e-mail address. I wasn’t sure if I heard him right, so naturally I read the address back to him…”m as in mom, p as in poop…” I sh*t you not, I said “p as in poop” as if that was the association any normal human being would make. Then I start laughing so hard I thought I was going to p as in pee.
I don’t know which is worse; the notion that this man believes that I am a moron or that he believes I am a complete nutjob. If only I could shut off the part of the brain that cares about what other people think.
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We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it — and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again — and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.
